Smokey Bear: Joanna Cassidy

Smokey Bear is a sort of evil cousin to Teddy Ruxpin, familiar to viewers all over America for appearing in many, many PSAs about natural disasters caused by fire. He was created in 1944 and used the slogan "Only YOU can prevent forest fires" until 2001, when it was discovered that nobody could ever remember this catchphrase. So the powers that be changed it to "Only YOU can prevent wildfires." Before Smokey came along, the Walt Disney company hired out Bambi for a year to publicise the issue, and I can't help wishing they hadn't asked for him back. Smokey scares me.

Smokey is best mates with Woodsy Owl, who says "Give a hoot, don't pollute." I'll be introducing you to him another time.

So, a lot of people know who Smokey is, but not everyone knows that he's also a pioneer of the LGBT cause. Oh yes. He came out on national TV in 1973, by way of this PSA. It begins all cheerful and Smokey - free, with a spotlight on the actress Joanna Cassidy. Animals can frolic cheerfully in the forest all day long, she says, until us evil humans come along lighting our matches and cigarettes. And then it's "Poof! Fire." (See? "Poof"). So you will be extra careful next time you're in the forest, won't you? Well -

Ha! Ha! Ha! laughs Smokey. "If you knew it was me, would you have listened?"

No, we wouldn't, you big creepy transvestite bear. Go away and frighten someone else.

I can't put my finger on why this PSA is so unsettling; it just is. But it's a vast improvement on Smokey's current campaign, which is a simplistic cartoon of a forest burning down while a child's whiny voice sings "The Bear Climbed Over the Mountain." Much as I'd like to push Smokey Bear off a mountain, he is a true star of PSAs, and his contribution to non - profit advertising over the last 63 years is nothing to sneer at.