Sorry for another unannounced hiatus.

Back in business on Monday.

Smokey Bear: Joanna Cassidy

Smokey Bear is a sort of evil cousin to Teddy Ruxpin, familiar to viewers all over America for appearing in many, many PSAs about natural disasters caused by fire. He was created in 1944 and used the slogan "Only YOU can prevent forest fires" until 2001, when it was discovered that nobody could ever remember this catchphrase. So the powers that be changed it to "Only YOU can prevent wildfires." Before Smokey came along, the Walt Disney company hired out Bambi for a year to publicise the issue, and I can't help wishing they hadn't asked for him back. Smokey scares me.

Smokey is best mates with Woodsy Owl, who says "Give a hoot, don't pollute." I'll be introducing you to him another time.

So, a lot of people know who Smokey is, but not everyone knows that he's also a pioneer of the LGBT cause. Oh yes. He came out on national TV in 1973, by way of this PSA. It begins all cheerful and Smokey - free, with a spotlight on the actress Joanna Cassidy. Animals can frolic cheerfully in the forest all day long, she says, until us evil humans come along lighting our matches and cigarettes. And then it's "Poof! Fire." (See? "Poof"). So you will be extra careful next time you're in the forest, won't you? Well -

Ha! Ha! Ha! laughs Smokey. "If you knew it was me, would you have listened?"

No, we wouldn't, you big creepy transvestite bear. Go away and frighten someone else.

I can't put my finger on why this PSA is so unsettling; it just is. But it's a vast improvement on Smokey's current campaign, which is a simplistic cartoon of a forest burning down while a child's whiny voice sings "The Bear Climbed Over the Mountain." Much as I'd like to push Smokey Bear off a mountain, he is a true star of PSAs, and his contribution to non - profit advertising over the last 63 years is nothing to sneer at.

Drink Driving: Skeletons

Thanks to jillc for the link once again.

Back in 1986, when he was a black man rather than a white woman, Wacko Jacko was still top of the pops with his hit single Beat It. Thriller was also popular, but that's because the fans had not yet witnessed the tremendous thrill of being dangled over a hotel balcony at the tender age of six months. This was the kind of music you could dance to with your mates on a Saturday night, and if you were having a drink or two you might not notice the lyrics becoming a little more ominous:

You have to show them that you're really not scared
You're playing with your life, this ain't no truth or dare
But you wanna be bad

Ooh, appropriate. And there's nothing more badass than downing a keg or two of beer and then taking the car for a spin. Really impresses the ladies, don'tcha know. Don't ask me why a pretty girl like that is hanging around with two guys who look like refugees from Saved By the Bell, but ho hum.

It is the law that every anti - drink driving campaign ever made has to feature someone saying pathetically "Are you SURE it's OK to drive?" And of course, the driver isn't worried. "What's a few beers?" sez he. A few beers, my arse. I don't think this bloke could stand up unassisted, let alone drive a car. But no one cares and they merrily jump in the back, which leaves us with no surprises when ...

Well, who knew that just putting the key in the ignition could be fatal? Don't forget, folks, if you allow a friend to drink and drive, you're as good as dead - because drinking and driving can kill a friendship. (Especially when it was you that distracted them from the road, now the car is a write - off and no one's insured.) Close up of someone shaking hands with a skeleton, cue endline. Big round of applause, ladies and gents!

Thought for the day: I wonder if Jackson is still claiming royalties from this, 21 years down the line? Suppose it's shown on TV again, like someone does another documentary and uses that clip, does he still get the money? Bastard.

The Litter Fairy

Yes, I was gone for a week. I'm sorry.

I had considered switching off comment moderation on this site, but thanks to the tosser who left a bunch of trolling messages, I think I'll keep things as they are. I know you think penises are funny, especially if you write about them IN BIG FUCKIN' CAPS, but not on my blog.

Anyway, this is one of my favourite recent PIFs, and it's a cinema - only regional campaign shown in London. I saw it only once, when I went to the second Harry Potter movie in 2002. There's the "clean" one that's safe for kiddies:



Or the dirty one that contains a Naughty Word:



They were posted to YouTube by someone who claims to have worked on the campaign themself, and describes the X - rated cut as "a very punchy copy". "Punchy?" Shock value can be effective (have a look at some of the TAC films I've profiled here) but this strikes me as trying just a bit too hard.

When I was at the cinema and this came on, it had a totally different voiceover with someone saying sarcastically "Who do you think cleans it up, the Litter Fairy?" According to this site, the Litter Fairy campaign was launched in 2004, so I'm going to assume the one I saw was an early version and then they made these two with new VOs.

And speaking of YouTube, here's my YouTube channel with more PIFs, some of which I'll put on this site later. Most of them are free ones snatched off various websites, but others I got from somewhere else that I can't tell you about because it might have broken copyright to put them up there.

Having a few days off

Taking a break until Monday to go and visit my family, but rest assured I will be back with even more weird and wonderful PIFs/PSAs. Have a good weekend!

UNICEF: Smurfs

Not really a PIF or PSA (or their foreign equivalent) because it's a charity awareness campaign from UNICEF. I don't know how old it is, but it's recent - 2005ish, I think.

You remember the Smurfs, don't you? Those little bouncy blue things from Belgium that jump up and down and sing all day in their whiny Smurfy voices. Why is it always the Europeans who come up with horrors like this? Anyway, UNICEF did the thing we'd all like to do to the Smurfs, but made it a hundred times scarier.

The Smurfs weren't around during WWII, so UNICEF brought the Blitz to them.

The film starts like any other crappy little Smurf cartoon. The singing, the dancing, the music, the fluttering butterflies, it's all there. THEN ... the bombs drop! Aargh! The music turns eerie, the sky darkens, Smurfs run for cover and get blown up and their stupid toadstool houses are knocked down. As Smurfs collapse and die everywhere, a baby Smurf screams, which is, I admit, not pleasant to watch. Finally, the endline comes up, and it translates as: "Don't let war affect the lives of children." Support UNICEF. Very effective, I think.

This wasn't supposed to be viewed by children, don't worry. It was shown in Belgium and only ever broadcast after the 9pm "watershed". Which is just as well, because over there that's like the equivalent of showing a film where Teletubbyland or the Hundred Acre Wood is bombed. It would traumatise your kids for life.

Face it, though, you've always wanted to get back at those annoying blue bastards, haven't you? Can we bomb Barney the dinosaur next?

Learn to Swim

ETA: (Wednesday 19th) I thought I'd posted this yesterday, but it seems I only saved it as a draft. Sorry!

Here's a 1973 PIF about learning to swim. You don't hear about so many campaigns on this any more, but back in the day it was highly publicised that having children taught to swim as early as possible was great fun, helped them to keep fit, and might save their lives if they fell into water. I'm not really qualified to talk about this beyond my Girl Guide badge in Water Rescue, but there is a very big difference between swimming in a nice, clean pool and suddenly finding yourself fully clothed in a filthy, freezing lake.

The Cinderella - esque protagonist of this cartoon has three wishes from her fairy godmother, and wishes to be at the beach with her crush, Dave. Not my idea of a dream date, I must say. Dave whips his shirt off, but SHOCK HORROR, he can't swim! What a turn - off! Infuriated, the girl makes her last wish, and up pops the nerdy - looking Mike. He "swims like a fish!" Away they go, leaving a miserable Dave on the shoreline. He summons the fairy godmother and wishes not to "keep losing me birds" (girlfriends), to which she replies "Then learn to swim, young man! Learn to swim!"

Oh, not "Look at her face rather than her bust", then? Or "Don't drool over Hustler in front of her"? Or ... well, you get the picture. Honestly, who cares whether their other half can swim, unless you happen to be an Olympic champion or something? Would you want to go out with a girl as fickle as this? As for Fairy Godmother, I think it's back to pantomime for her.

Personally, I'm not a bad swimmer; but if I couldn't swim, I don't think I'd be any more inclined to learn after watching this. The whole thing just makes me want to change the channel and reach for another beer.